Lotte Chilsung, one of Korea’s largest drinks manufacturer, announced Monday the introduction of a new health drink, Dear Leader’s Mountain’s Dew. The health elixir is made from several herbs and a unique ingredient, “the teardrops of babes”tm .
According to the company researchers, the healing properties of children’s tears are an ancient Korean folk remedy and have been proven to alleviate numerous ailments. In ancient times, Korean children who cried non-stop were considered both a blessing and a curse for Korean families, causing both great stress but also joy for the extra income generated by the copious tears. Recently, it had become hard to find a reliable source of the much sought-after tears.
That was until an executive at Lotte Chilsung, visiting the north, saw a group of children spontaneously erupt into a veritable Niagara Falls of tears upon seeing a stutue of the Dear Leader, Kim Jong-Il. After negotiations with officials from the North concluded, Lotte Chilsung opened its new facility in the Gaesong Industrail Complex. The factory is actually more of a tear-milking facility where over 1000 children visit daily and are subjected to movies, statues and photos of the Dear Leader and his father.
Researchers are still fine-tuning the process to establish which images and recorded speeches illicit the most tears. So far, it appears to be a video montage of Kim Jong-Il’s image ascending over Mt. Paekdu under a beautiful multi-hued rainbow. The drinks go on sale nationwide this week.
