Edible Fabric Launched

A local Korean fabrics company launched a “revolutionary” new product yesterday. Poonglim Textile’s CEO, Pak Seong-Min announced the  amazing breakthrough at a press conference in Dongdaemoon. The product, dubbed, “Sh’eat Me” is, according to the CEO, the world’s first mass-produced edible fabric.

According to Mr. Pak the product expands on what was previously a tiny market. “In the West, all you have is tiny edible g-strings. We, along with our Korean scientists, have upped the ante, now we have many many square meters of delicious cloth.”

The brainchild of a company worker who attends protests at least once a month, Sh’eat Me will mainly be marketed to various civic and labor groups who often employ large swathes of fabric during their protests. In the past, protesters were limited to simply ripping flags, banners, and assorted images to shreds and could only chew and spit out the object of their hatred. Now, they will be able to swallow as well.

According to Mr. Pak, “We anticipate a future where giant flags of other countries will not only be ripped to shreds, but chewed and devoured in a total edible rage, all with Korean technology.”

The company  has ambitious plans to export its product, which will be licensed under the brand name “TastyTextiles”.  It has already signed a deal to provide a cherry, blueberry and  vanilla product to the Iranian government and is in negotiation to supply the Palestinian Hamas with a similar product, only minus the cherry flavoring.