MB Announces Grander Plans to Help Improve Liquidity

Success in the recent parliamentary elections by the ruling GNP has empowered President Lee Myung-Bak to greatly expand his efforts to insulate the nation from the growing threat of the global liquidity crisis.

Lee’s previously announced plan to build a peninsula-wide luxury Canal (Le Chanel) is apparently not enough for the President, who vowed in a press conference Friday to , “make Korea the country with the greatest liquidity the world has ever seen. Liquidity Nation Number One!”, the President thundered at the 7 am press conference.

Lee’s plan involves a multi-faceted approach to spread liquidity to almost all areas of the country. The first phase will involve turning at least 1/3 of the nations urinals into “spring-fed negative-ion generating ceramic water cascades”.

Phase 2  plans include building small bird baths on top of every taxi stand and bus shelter, mandating waterfalls be built in the middle of any stairway of over 25 stairs, and installing over 1,000,000 aquariums at strategic “liquidity-starved” locations nationwide.

Perhaps the grandest plans are included in Phase 3,  the cornerstone of which is the amazing transformation of Seoul Tower into the “World’s Most Gigantic Water Fountain!”. Pictured above, the fountain will dazzle residents and visitors alike with its 1-kilometer arcs of water spreading over Namsan like, “a loving, watery embrace from above.”

The jets will activate every hour, starting in an east-west direction. Over the next 15 minutes, the jets will spin clockwise at an ever-increasing speed. At the end of the 15 minutes, the jets will be rotating at a rate of 20 rpms/minute. According to a spokesman, the new jet-fountains will enable “Korea to have the largest liquid-ejecting tool the world has ever seen.”