In a shocking development in the ongoing saga surrounding the Mad Mad American Cow issue, a new expose by an underground OhMy News reporter has unearthed proof that American cows are being fed Korean babies. The babies are apparently either adopted by beef producers posing as childless American couples, or bought at North Korean baby markets. And to make matters even worse, the Americans apparently refuse to feed their own cows any babies over 30-months old.
According to an unnamed scientist, American beef producers have chosen Korean babies to counteract the possible spread of Mad Cow disease among American cattle. “Our babies have huge heads and brains. If an American cow eats our Korean baby brains, it is sure to recover quickly from its madness,” said the scientist, who claims to have witnessed the feeding process first hand in Montana. According to the scientist, the process includes a ritual where the baby is placed on a hamburger bun and paraded around a public park. Then the baby is spirited away to a local feed lot and turned into a powerful medicinal dietary supplement.
Within two hours of the report, over 10,000 screaming teenagers descended on downtown Seoul crying and chanting in unison, “Korean Babies are Number One, American cows are not much fun!” and “Save our Baby Brains!” Opposition political leaders, joined by North Korea’s KCNA, have demanded in a written petition, that America , “Stop once and for all its cynical and self-righteous use of our superior brains for American agricultural imperialism.”
But where will American parents now harvest replacement organs for their own American children?
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