Eclectrical Workers Report Increasing Anxiety

A recent survey conducted by the Korean Electrical Workers Union reports increasing work-related frustration and anxiety. The main cause of stress according to the study was the increasingly large tangles of wires found throughout many side streets on utility poles around the nation.

One worker commented in the survey, “I really hate my job. I spend half of my work day just trying to figure out which wire I am supposed to connect. Before I began this work, I was a calm relaxed person. Now I get agitated at silly things, like trying to untie a knot in my daughters shoestrings.”

Another respondent noted that he has even seen nesting birds turning the ever metastasizing wire balls into nest for their eggs. “It’s bad enough to try to figure out which wire goes to which house, it’s even worse when the wires are covered in bird shit.”

Apparently, the situation is being exacerbated by competition between various service providers. One industry source, speaking anonymously, spoke of a “Knot War” between several leading broadband access providers, with workers intentionally intermixing other companies’ wires.

Elderly Relieved at National Assembly Brawl

Many elderly around Korea were relieved to witness yesterday’s spirited brawl in the national assembly chambers. “Korea Fighting!” screamed 76 year-old Lim Dong-Young while pumping his weathered wrist in the air as he sat watching TV with some old friends. Ripping off a piece of dried squid and waving it passionately, Lee continued, “Back when we had our local village council meetings, it was a rare evening where at least one chair wasn’t thrown. These days, the young act so fat and complacent. I’m so happy to see that at least some of them know how to defend their honor.”

In related news, a clothing manufacturer plans aNew’s Year’s sale of their patented wrinkle-free suits. According to a company spokesman, at least 10 of the politicians involved in the brawl were wearing their trademark SojuSpecialSuit designed to “make your wife think your day was spent entirely at your desk.”

“We really hope these brawls happen at least once every few months. They are the best advertising money can’t buy.”

Duck Restaurant Owners Pressure Government

The Duck Restauranteurs Association of Korea is busy lobbying government officials to create a “Duck Enjoyment Zone” along the reborn Cheongyecheon River. Apparently, the stream, rebuilt after decades being buried under concrete, has atracted hundreds of waterfowl to its newly pristine banks.

The group, named “UriOriLoveLove” (ourduckslovelove), claims that the stream would be a perfect location for a new specialized food zone. According to 35 year-old Mr. Lee Bum-Joon, owner of “Donald’s Luck” in Incheon..”We, the UriOriLoveLove organization, feel that the government must allow us to open numerous Duck-restaurants along the stream. Where else can young Koreans get the true Korean experience of chewing on delicious duck meat, while simultaneously observing ducks in real life?”

Some middle-school aged children of the protestors were heard to be chanting “f*ckducks..f*ckducks…f*ckducks” until they were quieted by a 23 year-old Canadian female English teacher who lives in the area.

“I have no problem with opening some duck restaurants along the stream. After all, Koreans really know how to cook up a duck. It’s just that I think the kids shouldn’t practice their rhyming skills in such a politically-charged environment,” explained Jane Harrison of Kamloops, British Columbia.